Time To Re-evaluate My Life

So I keep thinking about my life, my future. I expect that I will graduate university, get a job , then get married, have a baby, and live life practicing my religion. Yup, also have a dog with the white picket fence with a huge house :p (note I am exaggerating with my last sentence.)

Obviously life is never what we expect it to be. I can come up with so many possibilities and other outcomes of how my life may turn out. I might never finish university and drop out. I might meet a guy I am head over heels with and get married. Maybe I can never get married or never have a child. Even worst I may die tomorrow. Allah knows what will happen to me and what is best for me, but hey life is never the way we plan it.

I just feel like I have pressured myself to succeed and be the best I can be. Which is what we should all do, but deep down I know I am not being the best I can be.
As a daughter I can be so much better. Do extra chores and just be a overall great daughter and sister.
As a student I should bring home A's and use my time wisely by not wasting it on pointless things.
As a friend I could be so much better. Stop with my sarcasm, my jokes, and my rude comments.
As a muslim I could be so much better. Giving the attention and time to my Lord. Praying more often, on time , and being conscious when I do so. I can could be studying my religion on my spare time and not watching TV or playing on my phone.
As a human been I can just overall be better.

Why do I always do the bare minimal thing? Why am I so easily satisfied?

I let the shaytaan be my chill buddy.

I remember a time last year life was amazing. I made salah everyday on time and I would pray in the masjid everyday between my classes. I spent time in the library studying. My marks were amazing, I changed the way I behaved, the way I dressed, and was so conscious of Allah.

It may sound cheesy I was so sprung on doing good deeds I would kick sticks out of the side walk and into the grass. :P Pick up garbage and even gave dawah! I never even watched tv.

Then I became ashamed... Pathetic right?

Some of my friends had not gone through the same spiritual enlightenment I went through, so I would get frustrated with them. I remember I had a friend tell me some things that would try to stop me from becoming better. She told me how she feared for me... She was scared I might become a salafi (the ones who try to live in the old century)   because I was considering the jilbaab, she was scared I was becoming this overly happy Muslim. Which I was because man my heart was on some Iman booster that seemed to be lasting months. Subanhallah. I wasn't becoming a extremist I was just happy and working hard trying to be the best I could be. But she didn't see that...
I felt really hurt even though I didn't show it. I became self-conscious of what others thought of me. I was also losing friends since I was practicing more. I guess this happens when you try to please the creation than the creator.
I remember my brother telling me that if the shaytaan cannot get to you he will use others to get to you. Great, he starting using my friends against me and man did it work.

Well that's my stupid reason for becoming such a loser now, but I can say there has been other factors like food and tv! Oh and a little place I call the Internet!

My goal now is to become better and the best I can be. I seriously feel lazy even saying it. Even the thought of it makes me heart go ... "really dude you sure you want to do that? We can just catch up and watch the seasons of gossip girl. Chuck bass might hook up with Blair!!!" tempting as it is to watch Netflix brainlessly, I know I won't get what I want until I do. How can I expect for good marks if I wont work hard for it? How can I expect a pious husband if I am not willing to working hard for it? How can I expect Jennah if I am not willing to work hard on it?

Thank goodness I am not the type to get depressed. I am not hyped, but I got a black heart and it's going to need some heavy cleansing. I will keep you guys updated.



Any tips you have for me guys will be greatly appreciated.

Love is definitely in the Air for Young Muslimahs

At my university I have been noticing a recent trend. Well it's not so recent. Everyone is either engaged or getting married. I hang out majority of the time in the multi-faith room which by the way is occupied by 99% Muslims. I would say 100%, but I am not sure if you can count the ishamili Muslims :s you know them having the room to themselves and setting up a photo of some brown guy and all.

Anyways my point is that majority of the sister I have befriended are either engaged with a brother, seeing a brother,  or married to a brother. I am so shocked!!! How did this happen? Some of these sister are pretty religious and I am thinking ... You can get a guy to talk to you and I can't even get one to answer my homework question?

I also noticed it isn't the Somali girls getting married like myself it's the brown girls (Asian for you british readers) and Arabs. I get there is cultural pressure and other factors and you know I am not jealous it's just
.... All the great guys are taken!

Just recently I found out a brother who was in the MSA who I thought was single was dare I say .... Married Nooooo ! I said it. The pain.

I feel all that are left are ... All these Muslims guys who drink and party. No way am I lowering my standards.

I would love to go on and on about marriage, but I definitely would need a whole blog for that.

Random thought, but what do you guys think about inter racial marriages? Be honest now!

Written 5 Months Ago

Obviously my opinions are different, but this is how I was feeling that day. Now you guys realized how much   I sensor myself. I should of posted this, but I was to scared. Silly me.
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I was reading a book when I came across this part of
"Kylie stared at her best friend and realized how different they'd become these last six months. It wasn't just Sara's need to party or the fact she'd given virginhood. Okay,so maybe it was those two things, but it seemed more."


I instantly understood EXACTLY how Kylie felt. Funny never thought a white girl and me could relate to each other in that aspect.
Pretty much losing my best friend. Things have been odd, our perspectives are not on the same page anymore. Which usually wouldn't bother me, but for her this is too far my friend! I always hear people saying how people can be best friends one year and next be total strangers. I doubt thats going to happen with us, but I learnt to expect the unpredictable with her.

Well, it all started.....

 Let me just be honest and jump into it. I hate the new friend of mine, no I actually depise it what she has become. Sure I can talk to her normally but, what I don't agree with lots of things she does now, but she simply doesnt care. You know what your probably thinking

" Accept your friend for who she is...."

I dont need to hear this crap, I would accept it if she wasn't my friend and if I didn't care about her, but I DO CARE. and it bugs me that I have to accept it becase I CARE SO MUCH. If I say anything all I really am doing is pushing her away and if I accept it I would be a horrible friend. Friends do not let other friends fall between the cracks. (Imagine me saying this fast that why its a run on sentence lol)

Right now I feel like all I can do is watch in silents as my friend falls and it's really hard to pick her up now. I dont think there is anything I can do. Should I accept it, that she is totally different and not the same person?
She may still look and wear the same clothes as my old friend, but I can hardly recongize her T_T

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Thank God she has been catching herself. I have seen a light in her again. She definitely not a lost cause.

People Change

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I cannot say I am 100% surprise on how things turned out in my social life. I finally understood that people change. I just never thought it would happen to my friends. I am not sure if I mentioned it earlier, when I was entering grade 12 I switched schools. Reasons being that I had way too many friends( which were my biggest distractions) at my school. I also really wanted scholarships and to finish my year with awesome marks. Which did happen alhamdulillah ! :) 

Old School Vs New School

Anyways, the old school I attended only had about 7 hijabies in my grade. 2 being twins who wore extremely tight clothes, one transformer, and 2 I.Bs (smart kids :P) Nabila (-.-) and me. I found that everyone at my school didn't really practice except those two I.Bs girls mashallah. I was not very close with them.They didn't really have many friends and I understood why . My old school and being religious did not mix. 

 I would say about 60% of the students were Muslim at my new school. Unlike my old school they avoided haraam things. Wearing reavealing clothes and dating each other was not normal here. As it should be.

I met these wonderful friends, we automatically connected and I honestly love these girls . These girls were very good influences on me and I  even stop eating unhalal food (is that even word...Idk I am going to use it) .Overral I was happier and better because of them. It was comforting knowing that my new Muslim friends were not judging what I wore, ate, why I didn't date, or why I did not want hang out with guys.

Believe it or not my MUSLIM friends from my old school thought I was too uptight and thought I was weird for those things and more... You think them being Muslim also would make them understand why I was who I am, but NO0O0O0O0 I was just being a prude! -.-". So sometimes I felt discluded with them. I was actually better of hanging with non-Muslims.  I actually have one viet/Chinese friend who would make sure I didn't eat unhalal or reminded me not to do things that were haraam. Bless that girl.

University 1st Year 

So we all finished high school and went our separate paths. I am still good friends with them all and I thought nothing would change. Nope not our group we were too awesome for that, smarter than that. If anything I thought Sufi's  group ( some girls last name, not the religion kind lol) would have more complications. They were those Muslim girls who cared way to much about fashion, celebrities, and dating. I still liked them they were cool and always happy, it seemed to me. 

My friends had made some stupid choices. Since we were in uni/college we had so much freedom. We could come home whenever we wanted because our parents didn't know exactly what our schedule was. University was nothing like high school the times were scattered. You could have a class as late as 9pm.  I was never much of a liar, I always called my mom after I finished a class, once I hit the train and once I got on a train etc. I pretty much always updated my mom, I guess old habits are hard to kill.

With their new found freedom they decided to fool around with boys, alcohol, and drugs (weed). This made me very upset, no it  actually angered me. They were pretty knowledgeable too. My best friend got herself into a spinning world of sin. She is smart, beautiful, and an all round awesome person. So it SHOCKED me when I found out she was flirting with evil. 

It reminds me what this niqaabi once said  to me. When we hit uni girls will typically do two things: 

1. Become more religious ( What I aspired to do)

2. Take their hijab off and what not..

She told me this in high school and I never believed her. I guess she was right .

I talked to my bestie about her change and make dua for her. I don't know if she even wants to come back. I don'tt want to be like 'you do you' because that what bad friends do but, she left me at no choice. I never want to her about the sins she commits anymore. I told her don't tell me what you do, she already knows how I feel about it. 

Funny thing is that my older brother told me he really liked her and she as a good friend to keep around. If only if he knew who she has become he would tell me to "Drop her like a bad habit." sigh.  He told me "On the day of judgement we will be resurrected with the people you love. Do you really want to be near her on that day. Someone who commits all sorts of sins and probably does not feel bad because they have repeatedly done it?"

What would be your answer?

UGH I DON’T WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL.

 “ New year, new me” , notice how everyone always says that?

I think I had the same New Year’s resolutions my whole life, to be the best I can be. I usually fall short because I know I can do better , but I always just end up being lazy and settling for less. Like I know I could get an A in a class, but then I will be too lazy to put effort and receive a B. I have school on Monday and I could honestly say I had less sleep this holiday than I had school, but at least it wasn’t stressful :P

 I DON’T WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL! I JUST WANT LIE IN MY BED A CHILL OUT THE WHOLE DAY WATCHING SOME ANIME AND PLAYING MY GAMES! I WANT TO SLEEP FOREVER! NOOO PLEASE CAN I NOT GO TO SCHOOL :’(

Good news, looks like my older brother signed me up for Quran classes. Yup gonna get beatings again. :D

The Infamous Camel Hump

Have you ever seen those really stylish hijabis walking around with a big hump or I like to say bump on their heads?

Well, recently I have seen lots of hijabis with that style and the one thing I think to myself  ‘I wonder if they know this hadith’:

Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) said: There will be in the last of my ummah, scantily dressed women, the hair on the top of their heads like a camel’s hump. Curse them, for verily they are cursed. [At-Tabarani and Sahih Muslim]

If they do not know, may Allah guide them, but if they do know this hadith and they still continue it well, may Allah guide them. That’s all I gotta say :P

NOT

The reason I am bringing this up is because I was a on a bloggers page and she has this amazing hijabi fashion blog. I personally am a fan of her work. She had mentioned this hadith and many people began to write very strange comments that actually had me annoyed.

Let me show you

Nevermind I went to check right now and there is about 196 comments and I really do not feel like going through them all.

BUT

Some of the sisters said that hadiths are not always direct and have lots of meanings therefore it was somewhat okay. I started to cringe by this because the hadith was pretty direct and it had stated clearly that we should not wear the camel hump. If I read this to my younger sister she would clearly understand what it meant too, but let’s say it wasn’t clear, wouldn’t it be safer to refrain from doing it to be safe rather than taking the chance of being WRONG? ( think about that)

I think I understand why they argued about this hadith, perhaps they wanted to justified their wrong as right. Do you understand what I mean?  By not admitting they were wrong and hoping there is a slight chance they are right. Lots of people do this, I probably do this!

I just think we should not take risks in our religion. Like plucking your eyebrows, there is debate on this! Wouldn’t it be safer to refrain from doing it? And there is so  many other things that have been in debate, I understand you like doing it and you will use any excuse to justify it as “right” but it doesn’t mean that your right.

Wrong ≠ Right just because you want it to be.

I Am My Biggest Critic

 Did you know I used to have a blog before this? I had it for couple of years and I used to post anything up. Whenever I was angry, sad or ever super happy I would probably go to my word document and write to my heart’s content. I would post it and then after a while take it off , so no one could read it. Then I would read what I wrote and think to myself… I can’t say this. What will my friends or what will the people think? Then this other person inside me will start telling me “You cannot say that or tell people that!?! Are you crazy?” she would make me start to feel what I was writing was taboo. Now as I go back to what I wrote, I am thinking “ AHAHA I CANT BELIEVE I USED TO WRITE LIKE THAT!” but I am sort a sad I didn't post it because it shows how much I have grown from what I used to be. As a writer anyways.

I promise myself I will continue to write and not stop myself to please others. This is going to be a start to a beautiful relationship Insha’Allah!